Life is a maze, not a marathon

Imagine if life were a marathon.

There’s a start, a finish, and the faster you run, the further you go:

Success this way, honest

The secret to winning a marathon is to knuckle down and keep going.

Most of us live like this, but reality isn’t so two dimensional. Real life has no signs, and no straight lines. There’s just a maze of infinite options:

Life is a maze

Some paths, like some careers, take five times longer to get where you want. Some paths, like some relationships, are dead ends.

Maze

If you were teaching a robot to navigate a maze, you wouldn’t tell it to always run forward. You’d teach it to remember where it’s going, and when it gets stuck, to go back and try a different path.

As people, we’re really good at the running forward part. With a clear stretch, we can soar ahead for miles. But we hate – we’re literallyfearful – of backtracking.

To go back suggests we’ve failed, that our judgement was flawed, that our time was wasted. And the painful thing is – that’s usually true. But it doesn’t matter. The maze just is. You can back up and get on with it, or you can stay stuck in the wrong place.

No-one knows whether the turn they take next is the right one. We should expect to get lost and backtrack all the time. In fact, everybody does – it’s just by looking up at people who are way over here:

Don't get thrown by the successful

We’re blinded to the real, confused route that they took:

The real route of the successful

There are only two ways to advance your life: move forward when you can, or step backwards and try something else when you can’t. The greatest mistake to make is standing still.

http://oliveremberton.com/2014/life-is-a-maze-not-a-marathon/

Three words of advice for the young and ambitious

I have three words to change your life: create, big, and defy. Have you got three minutes?

1. Create

Creating things is the secret path that lets you do whatever you want.

How did I become a writer? I wrote. How did I become a programmer? I programmed. How did I become an entrepreneur? I started a company. I never had professional training in any of those things, and it never mattered, because I gave it to myself. You can too. Create the right things and you don’t need a resume. Create things worth noticing, and you will be noticed.

Creating is also a way of extending yourself. Your writing, or your art, or your company – all these things add to you worth, and the right creations fuse and compound over time. Think of it like buying shares in yourself.

Most people make the mistake of permanently exchanging their time for money, aka ‘employment’. This leads to a lifetime trap of spending time to earn money. If instead you invest your time in making things of value, those things can take life of their own, and work for you while you sleep. You’ll be happier and in greater control of your destiny too.

2. Big

The thing no-one tells you about aiming big is that you pretty much always win.

That doesn’t mean you get what you planned; in fact, that almost never happens. But you almost certainly won’t completely fail, and what successes you have will almost always outweigh your losses.

Say you aim to write a single Facebook status. However that goes, you’re not likely to win or lose much. Instead say you aim to write a whole novel. There’s a good chance you will fail to finish, or take five times longer than you expect, or write utter garbagepaste that never makes it past three unhappy relatives. But in the process you will have pushed your skills beyond their point of comfort, and grown immensely. More so than most people do in their whole lifetimes.

If you keep doing this, eventually, something is going to work. And you only need one big win to set you for life.

3. Defy

If you think the world is logical or fair, you’re going to be frustrated and sad most of your life.

The world does, actually, make a lot of sense. But not in the way that you might think. Working hard is not enough. Being smart is not enough. Really wanting stuff is not enough. Your instincts and upbringing may tell you otherwise. They are wrong.

The thing that will hold you back the most, throughout your entire life, will be yourself. You will know what to do. You will want to do it. And yet you will find yourself failing, and you won’t know why.

Most people reflexively blame the world when this happens: “my boss is blind”, “the economy is hopeless”, “girls are stupid”. Externalising leads only to denial and pain. What you need to do – all you need to do – is look inside yourself, and ask what, if anything, you could be doing differently. If you’re certain the problem is outside of your power, drop it, and move on.

Your circle of influence

Redrawn from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

If you can make a habit of this, all of your energy will only go on things that improve your life, and you’ll free yourself from a tyranny of sadness.


Create, big and defy. These are three things that almost no-one does, which is exactly why you should do them. Just by attempting you’ll be putting yourself at an uncommon advantage. Now go forth and conquer.

http://oliveremberton.com/2014/three-words-of-advice-for-the-young-and-ambitious/

Crazy Hot Sex

To my dear daughter,

As you grow, many boys will enter your years. They will speak words of love and passion, of wanting you–all of you.

Their sex will be lacking.

Believe me, dear girl, I know what crazy hot lovemaking is made of. Until the boy can assure you of the following, it is not true passion.

If he can patiently wait for over three years. From pregnant to nursing to pregnant to nursing, with your hormones fierce, and desire often dead. “Please, just let me sleep. I am so tired.” will be your common response. Until he can love you still, choose you still, it is not true passion.

If He can call you beautiful when even your feet are swollen from baby belly. Call you sexy when your legs run thick with varicose veins from the same. Call you perfect after your belly hangs loose with skin and your eyes deep with bags. Until he can still call you these things, it is not true passion.

You may throw things at him, yell words of hate and shame as you feel the hormones of post baby blues run deep. Until he can love you even deeper, piercing through the pain into your heart, it is not true passion.

He will go to work where there are other women, pretty women. Pretty women with no children and varicose free, high heeled legs. I know the way they toss their pretty little hair to and fro.

He will come home to you, your hair pulled back into the frizziest of buns, a baby on your hip, spit up down your arm. Until he can come home to you–you with no makeup–and express there is nothing as wonderful as seeing your face, it is not true passion.

You are touched by his love, and whisper tonight you will return the favor. Tonight there is a crying baby and a feverish toddler who just joined you in bed. Until he can laugh, fully laugh about this, it is not true passion.

Can a man like this exist? Yes, dear girl, and you call him your dad. He has shown me what true love is.

The hormones have faded. I am not pregnant. I am not nursing. My own passion has returned. Can I truly say “returned?” I really had no idea what passion was. So intense, so raw, I cannot put it fully into words.

I am not in love with just another man. I am in love with the father of my babies. The one who called me beautiful through nights of ugly, called me strong through days of weak, called me valuable through days of uncertainty. The one who waited patiently for me. Who washed the sheets of vomit as I bathed the fever infested child.

This is love dear girl. This is passion. It is being one with he who is going to be there for you, till death do you part, regardless. It is something mystical and unexplainable. It is something crazy. It is crazy hot sex.

Wait dear girl. Wait for him. There is nothing so beautiful as finding your heart in his, the one who will wait for you–even after marriage.

Love,

Mom

watermellon baby

http://momlifenow.com/2014/11/09/crazy-hot-sex/

5 Quotes From Bill Gates That Will Teach You Valuable Life Lessons

Bill Gates has accomplished more wealth and success than anyone of our generation. But even more importantly he has worked tirelessly to improve lives and prevent deaths through his generous charitable contribuitons. I have left out a couple of his more well-known quotes and instead tried to focus on those lesser known quotes. I hope you will find that these resonate with some of your own valuable life lessons you know to be true. Here is a healthy dose of what has made Mr. Gates successful and things we should pay close attention to if we wish to succeed at our own dreams and desires.

1. Focus1024px-Bill_Gates_at_Sorbonne_3

“The most important work I got a chance to be involved in, no matter what I do, is the personal computer. You know, that’s what I grew up in my teens, my 20s, my 30s, you know, I even knew not to get married until later because I was so obsessed with it. That’s my life’s work.”

We start life with many big dreams–things we want to accomplish, create, build and experience. But if you ask anyone past the age of 40 what happened to all the dreams they had, they will most likely answer: Life. This is true; life has a tendency to just happen. But it happens because we make choices. The life you create and design for yourself is going to accumulate from the choices you make over time. Sure, there are unexpected things that can derail dreams. But we can control where we put our focus, and if we choose to put one dream ahead of another. Those are all choices we get to make individually. Bill Gates knew that to meet his dreams and see his most important work achieved he would need to take a different route than most people. To do that, he put some other dreams on the back burner. Ask yourself: are the choices I am making today truly supporting the dreams I have for tomorrow?

2. Feed your mind1024px-Bill_Gates_-_World_Economic_Forum_Annual_Meeting_New_York_2002

“I really had a lot of dreams when I was a kid, and I think a great deal of that grew out of the fact that I had a chance to read a lot.”

I especially love this quote because I believe books are filled with pure mystical magic. How do you know the life you want to design and the dreams you want to achieve, unless you are exposed to the vast colorful rainbow of opportunity that this wide world holds? You can read science fiction, poetry, crime, drama, self-help books, love stories, or whatever your heart desires–just read. The imagination that created an entirely new set of possibilities for your mind to explore is magic made for growth. You just don’t know what you will read that will spark a new love or desire in you. Influence comes from some of the most unforeseen obscure encounters and experiences. We can’t all have a life that affords us to travel the world, but we all have at our fingertips the world through words. Reading is the compass to your future.

3. Discipline1024px-BillGates2012

“We always overestimate the change that will occur in the next two years and underestimate the change that will occur in the next 10. Don’t let yourself be lulled into inaction.”

In today’s world we are lulled into a desire for instant gratification, a “show me the results now” kind of mindset. If we don’t see results from our efforts within a very short timeframe, we are apt to bail. Our entertainment, technology, news, social interactions, relationships and education move at warp speed. We have lost all gumption to stick with the process, dig our heels in and just work without lifting our heads. This quote is point on. We are impatient in our expectations and give up far too easily. Mr. Gates is telling us to stick out the hard times in the beginning and, before you know it, your efforts will compound multiple times over with results. But, we can’t give up too soon just because we crave instant gratification in today’s fast click world.

4. Be yourself1024px-Bill_Gates,_WEF_2009_Davos

“Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world…if you do so, you are insulting yourself.”

We waste so much time in envy and desire of what others have. Instead of letting their unique light be appreciated and honored, we pity ourselves and putter about feeling sorry that we don’t have legs to the sky, luxurious thick hair, or huge almond shaped eyes. We see others with prosperous jobs, witty humor, loads of friends, and the list goes on and on. And while we create this meaningless list of what we are not, we are slowing suffering a slow death of what we are. We were each especially designed to fulfill a particular balance at this point in time and place in the universe. We are destined to be here and be exactly what we bring to the world. Quit listening to the voice of fear and envy. Rejoice in other people’s gifts, and in your own without reserve.

5. Give back1024px-Bill_Gates_-_World_Economic_Forum_Annual_Meeting_Davos_2008_number2

“There is a certain responsibility that accrued to me when I got to this unexpected position.”

Once you have any inkling that your feet feel solid on the ground for even a brief period of time, you have the responsibility to look around you, reach out for someone struggling and throw them out your hand. Someone helped you along your journey. They gave you a pep talk, instilled confidence, gave you wings to soar or an opportunity to fail. Nothing you have achieved of value has been a solo performance. Any time you are able to help anyone else it is your duty to help. And the best part is that every single thing you give out in this world comes back to you ten-fold. Every smile, every kind hand held, every hug, every heartfelt thought for goodness comes back directly to you, multiplied in strength. What we give to others we give to ourselves. What we withhold from others we withhold from ourselves.

I hope you enjoyed exploring these powerful quotes from Bill Gates, and have some new excitement in designing and generating your own powerful destiny. We all have a footprint to leave here. You get to decide and imprint your own beautiful design on this world.

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/5-quotes-from-bill-gates-that-will-teach-you-valuable-life-lessons.html?dgs=1